top of page

Selfish Love

We all know self-love is important yet, for whatever reason, we have the hardest time in the world actually acting on it. What's up with that? We talk down to ourselves consistently. We think negative things about ourselves too many times to count on a daily basis! The person who we have, and will continue to be living with the longest is ourselves so you would think that we would be all for treating ourselves right. You'd think love, patience, and respect would come easy and... here's the kicker... it does.


Yeah. Loving ourselves comes easy because who we all are at a spiritual level are loving, joyful, peaceful human beings. We had to actively change ourselves to become the self-hating society we are today. Why would we ever do that you ask? Because self-hate brings with it anger, stress, guilt, shame, and more. All of those emotions associated with self-hate vibrate at low frequencies (check out Dr. David R. Hawkins' vibrational infographic below) and that makes us physically and mentally weaker. In those states, we are easier to control. We become victims rather than embracing our power and owning our life because it's easier to sell to and to get labor out of people with low self-esteem.

There is also this connotation that self-love is just selfish. And it is. But not in the sense that we have come to understand that word. We view selfishness as narcissism and putting ourselves above other people. That is not what self-love is about at all! Self-love is about cultivating a loving environment in and around yourself so that you are more able to help create that environment and hold space for others.

To quote RuPaul, "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else. Can I get an amen!?"


How do we know that we have been giving ourselves enough self-love? By our emotions. If all of a sudden we are getting really bitchy and irritable then that is a great indicator that we need an extra dose of self-love! We have been giving too much and now it's time to give back to ourselves. And you can't expect others to do it for you because, even if they try, it won't work unless you align with that naturally occurring love, joy, and peace inside of you.

There is a reason that every great religious/spiritual teacher says, "The answer lies within us!" It all comes down to us to make the change we want to see for ourselves and, by consequence: The World!

But I don't have time!

What do you mean you don't have time? You are with yourself literally 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Throughout every single day, there are multiple opportunities to check in with yourself and make sure that you are being fulfilled so that you can help others. Self-love isn't always about taking a lavish vacation or scheduling an entire spa day (sometimes it is, though). You can cultivate self-love in small ways. Even by simply taking 10 seconds to close your eyes, take a deep breath, and say out loud, "I love you, [insert name]."

What makes self-love a little dangerous is that it can sometimes teeter very close to those negative vibrations we talked about before. Sometimes buying new shoes is an act of self-love, other times it's to validate our social status to those who see us. Sometimes eating a bit of chocolate is self-love, other times it's numbing us from emotions we don't want to deal with. Sometimes putting on makeup and getting dolled up is an act of self-love, other times it's because we have been shamed into thinking it's just what we have to do otherwise we are not the gorgeous human beings that we already are.

How can we tell the difference? An act of self-love will always lift us up. Anything aligning with a lower vibration will always make us weaker. We've all felt a little burnt out so we popped on to Netflix to escape for a bit (which can lift us up) but then, quite a few hours later, felt worse than when we started (turns out we were numbing again).

We know.

When we are aligned with love we will always know. When we are aligned with those lower vibrations... we will definitely know.

All of this being said, I am offering you an extra dosage of love today to get you kickstarted into gear! Seriously! Just by reading this sentence you now have extra love inside of you!

And this sentence!

And this one, too!

Now go forth as the empowered badass that you are and help everyone realize what it means to truly love yourself!

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page